If you’re unfamiliar with the Bloody Mary, it’s basically a supercharged tomato juice. Think Spicy V8, a little less spicy, a lot more multidimensional flavor, plus fewer of those bitter notes. It has a lot of weird stuff in it, stuff that makes you wonder who came up with this, stuff that, when I was a teenager came across a recipe for it in my Teen Works binder, I thought, “Who would DRINK this?!” Little did I know that 20 years later, I would drink it. Obsessively. You’re going to need tomato juice, freshly squeezed lemon juice, freshly squeezed lime juice, and dill pickle juice. You heard me. Dill pickle juice. Just come along for the ride. Whisk them together in a serving pitcher. Then you’re going to need prepared horseradish. The hard stuff. Not that namby pamby horseradish spread or topping or dressing–if it has mayonnaise or eggs in it, that is not what you want. You want grated horseradish roots. Water. Maybe a few other ingredients that make it stable. The stuff that grows hair on your chest. You’ll also need Tabasco sauce and Worcestershire Sauce. Whisk those into the tomato juice mixture. Next, you’ll need your spices–garlic powder, celery salt, and freshly ground black pepper.
Add those to the mixture. Whisk it all up so it’s well-combined, then pop it into your fridge for at least two hours, up to 8-10 hours. When you’re ready to serve, dip the serving glasses in a little water, then dip them into a tub of margarita salt. Carefully add ice cubes, then pour the mixture over the ice. Serve with a stalk of celery, asparagus, and/or a few lime wedges.
